this is rly interesting….idk even though i’m theoretically *~*~first generation, both my sister and i have kind of grown up in a second generation sort of environment, since my grandparents/outside environment forced that side of my family to assimilate. by 6 or 7, my mom forgot basically all of the spanish she knew, despite the fact that she didn’t speak or understand english up until about the age of 5.
it doesn’t help that i don’t “look the part” at all since i’m white. it’s tedious to have to justify my ethnicity every time the subject gets brought up. like i acknowledge the fact that yes, i am privileged - my father’s as white as you can be, and my mom’s from argentina - but i think it also sucks that my privilege comes from the fact that the white majority fucked over half of my family and forced my mom to ignore her identity and her roots. she’s only just getting in touch with family from argentina 50 years later. my grandmother refuses to acknowledge the fact that she’s hispanic - she’ll always check “white” on any form that asks it, and gets frantic and upset if my mom asks if she would prefer to read/talk to someone in spanish instead of english. that shit’s fucked up and heartbreaking and not okay - she’s been conditioned to be ashamed of who she is.
tbh it’s also frustrating that no one doubts my sister when she asserts her hispanic-ness. like…i’m not any “less” so than she is because my features more closely resemble my superwhite father’s. it’s really fucking shitty that my culture was forcibly taken from my mom and grandparents, and my sister and i are left floundering trying to figure out what to make of it since two generations before us are too afraid to help. it also sucks that this isn’t a really unique situation to a LOT of people in this country. i should know spanish, i should know more than just good food and the early introduction to claustrophobia brought on by being forcibly stuffed in a confessional booth.